that confidence i hold in myself. =)

okay.we lost the bet.
da jiejie actually remembers the treat.
wahaha.choc buffet =)
*whee.

oh no.
yunyun is fumed now i think.
love dispute over joel.
oh no.
sandra?3rd party?secret lover?
oh no.
yvonne?
joel attracted to her?
oh no.
love & woman & jealousy.
tangled up.
right.*laughs.

my class guys & soccer & the betting.
soccer & bettings.
every corner every kick coupled with the betting?
hrms.
kelvin is definitly cocking right now.
so it is really more exciting to watch a game when you bet the match?
should we ban the betting system?
now to yixiang.
arguement 2 "People will turn to illegal bookmakers"
"If pools decided to shut down soccer betting,I will have no choice but to turn to bookies to place my bet" kelvin lim,an experienced punter.
right!cock shit.
arguement 3 "since the govt has alr decided to open up IR,isnt it contradicting to ban soccer betting?"
makes sense.
conclusion"it is true that gambling is bad.however,what maks one think that banning betting will stop gambling?......"

blabla.im bored.

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Monday, January 23, 2006

( @ 11:58 PM )

what a long day.
mondays are never good.
starting off the day at 720am & my brain never stops functioning hard till past 12am.
all hell up hectic but yet,mondays always flew by me without realizing.
for that i love. =)

i think my class is filled with morons.
not "maroons" dear ziying-
the class with the girl who's got difficulty expressing herself in english.*laughs.
what's with the fights over legalizing homosexual marriages?
what's with the legalizing of enthunasia?(i forgot how i am supposed to spell that medical term)
what's with the would you wanna be put to death should you be in comatose?
what's with the molest & banning of spray foam?

for me,im going back to where i started out.
for me,im learning to live without you.
for me,im striving for the best archievements.
for me,im so gonna start all over with all smiles every single mornings.
for me,im gonna end my nights with a silent prayer.

for you & i,i'll still try on.
bringing the light back in my life =)

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Sunday, January 22, 2006

( @ 11:07 PM )

my sweetheart sis never fails to make me laugh.
i guess i always need her to bring me back on track.
how could i be left blinded over all the shits?
life's not just bout' that r/s.
i have many others who'd care for me & adore me like a lil' princess.
like right.*smiles.
i have many others whom my smiles & laughters are worth for.
i have my own dreams to pursue after.
how could i have forget them all?

of cos' that chance i'd still give you & i.
till the day you'd drain my last bit of energy,then i'd say thank you & goodbye to you.
till then.
period.

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Saturday, January 21, 2006

( @ 2:23 AM )

water therapy never fails to make me better.
thank you terr!
for the night spin to east coast,for the fishball soup,for the talk,for yr sincere concern.
my good ol' brother indeed.
the night breeze by the sea always has that soothing & calming effect over me.
the countless stars i gazed upon when i held my head up.
that moon which hang halfway between the horizon & the sky.
what a beautiful night it was.
sitting on the waterbreak,looking out to the faraway land,letting my thoughts run as wild as they ever could,reflecting upon everything else & coming back to where it all started.
im better.
i think. =)

and there i fell asleep in his car with my mind at ease.

woman,thank you.really.i know i can always fall at ease for that fat mama will be behind supporting me ey!you've been a real great love.thank you.

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Friday, January 20, 2006

( @ 11:58 PM )

can a broken heart still love?
wishing the wind'd blow away everything & bring me back to where we started off.

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Thursday, January 19, 2006

( @ 11:32 PM )

as i sit down & think back..
the first time we went for ktv.
that first night when you sent me home on a 140km/hr ride.
the first time you bought me a gift-that heart warmer,when i verbally commented i felt cold at my wrk place.
that first night we went for dinner.
the first time you gave me the biggest surprise ever for my birthday.
the first night you hugged me in your arms.
the first time you were away leaving me behind with no one to talk to for 4nights.
that first night on my birthday when i miss you.
the first time i saw the "i really miss you" facial expression.
that first afternoon when you held my hand.
that first evening you asked me to be your girlfriend.
that first kiss we had at the petrol station.
the first time you bought me sunflower.
that first night when we held hand in hand & strolled along the river side.
the first time someone ever bought me to fly any kite.
that first time i thought i'd found my guy.
the first time we went on the farm tour.
that first night when i so wanted to catch fireflies.
the first time any guy would ever reach my place with my fave rhumba frappe in his hands.

i miss em'
perhaps all lost.


and i teared

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( @ 9:09 PM )

things probably will never go back to how it was.
prolly you tried.
probably,it's only a guess.
i dont know.
i have no bit idea.
im sick & tired of all else.
i want to love you the way it was.
i want to.
badly.
but perhaps your feelings for me are all gone.
perhaps we'd be better off separated.
will we?
holding on.you said you wanna make me happy cos' seeing me smiling makes you happy.

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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

( @ 9:05 PM )

so wanted to pass out last night.
so wanted to vomit.
yet nothing but plain discomfort accompanied me throughout the night.
fark.
dragged myself out of bed this early morning & almost couldnt make it to school.
but somehow,there was this strength that pushed me on.
my classmates are nice.
and they are more concern than YOU.
not a word of concern i get.
nor anywhere near.
fark.
i hate this.

thank you daddy.
for you're always the one who'd accompany me for doc's consultation.
and it seems that it always be a rainy night.
conclusion-gastic flu.
virus attacking my stomach.
poor stomach.
had only a pathetic meal.
or rather,half a meal?

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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

( @ 9:42 PM )

fark you.
i hate you.

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Monday, January 16, 2006

( @ 11:57 PM )

guys are wierd.
is there anything wrong with having a gf with short punk hair?
*scratches head.
this question derived when agnes told me her bf was angry with her new hairstyle.whatever.haha!
i like agnes' bf cos he always so nice to send me to mrt station & that really saved my time & energy from walking =)
he's a nice bf.
*laughs.

finally talked after like 48hrs?
cut his hair he said.
different hairstyle & now i wonder how my bf looks like.
=)
the vainpot already gotten msot of his thing done up for cny.
and i went "shit!i havent even got stuff!"he was nice to tell me i have 2 more weeks but ey,minus-ing away all the time neeeded to complete my proj,im down to less than 1week.
and he just reminded me that im proceeding to yr 2 no later when he probed about my school stuff.
mans.time is really not on my side!!!!shessh.
can i have more than 24hrs a day?
at least all the tests are done & over.
left with the final mob proj plus presentation.
and of cos,the utmost irritating ideas proposal.
shits.

he makes me love & hate him.
what bastard.

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Sunday, January 15, 2006

( @ 11:31 PM )

wholesome day of food & more food.
had to drag myself out my the cosy bed early in the morning at like 6?!!
but guess it was worthwhile for not we could be really got stuck in the traffic jams.
ok,nuff' crap.

headed to perling for breakfast.
not that im not self-conscious,but i think the m'sian guy must have thought i was a beauty.
*laughs.if not,someone explain to me why was it that he actually delivered my plate of fried carrot cake to my table while my aunt had to wait & collect herself.
okay,joanne,pls.haha!i know.okay.whatever.

done with breakfast & off we headed to the fruit farm in the faraway desaru.not that far though,but it's the eastern side of m'sia.the fruits' tree didnt fancy me as much as the goaties i found!they just remind me of the wonderful times we had months ago =) the photographs,the sua-ku-ness i displayed & the thoughfulness you showed.i wish for the past.i miss them.(okay,im drifting)the fruit juices were fresh.*thumbs up.
honey & more honey.
then back to seafood.oh yea,the highlight of the trip.
lobster,crab,fish.yums. =)
shopping wasnt that fab since we had only a pathetic 1hr.
fish it.but ey,bought bra & more bras.hehs.
dinner again & it was more seafood.
prawns & more fish.

the distance i had from you the whole day brought me lot of thoughts again.
i dont know if the try is gonna be worth it.
but ey,perhaps the uncertainty in this whole r/s shall remain as it is.
perhaps it's better off as such.
but again,the trip made me even wanna more to go overseas with you on yr lovely xiaobai.i still wish so..
nobody made me feel this way like ever.
the want to hold on & persist,wishing things will be back on track.

okay,gd fren said i'd blog bout' her so here i go.
hahaha!
gf fren=yingling.
not yingling as in the biatch of 07'.*laughs.
yingling as in gd fren =)
this short-hair punk frn who's so into ktv when we only had a miserable one together.
more to come soon alrites!!heh.
ah yar.
no time to talk bout you lar!
haha!got to finish off my stats. =)loveys

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Saturday, January 14, 2006

( @ 11:53 PM )

i guess it's best never to expect too much nor hold high hopes at times for the returns may not be as fruitful.
i learnt it.
give & take as it comes.
with all that's been said,i guess nuff' is nuff'.
period.

back to the good.
sun papa was out shining & of cos i hit the pool.
not literally that i went to beat the pool(like duh).haha!
ok,that was just crap.
water was freezing but thanks to the cold,i went from lap to lap with much energy.
it's high time i burn off the fats pls.
too much intake yet too lil' output.
i got to reach the equilibrim pt!like right.
seriously miss the quiet moments i'd enjoy in the pool.
even watching some lil' cute kids swimming plus their innocent laughters simply lift me off from all trouble.
shoo off the north-east monsoon!

to think of the crap i had with von not too many hrs ago.
it was hilerious.
our dearest didi with his "mosquito" theory.
haha!my oh.where can i ever yet find such lovable didi in my class?
to think of 07'
what wonderful people i've seen.
esp with the san hachi (38).pls.the biatch of biatch.
all the nonsense that always start off from them.
but fun they always got.
such a lovable bunch.=)

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Friday, January 13, 2006

( @ 11:57 PM )

grandpapa sun finally decided to face the good ol' earth today.
i pray with faith it still will rise up high tomorrow =)
for him & for my tans pls.
i admit i hate it when guys get addicted to their newfound hobby & forgot the existence of their girlfriend.okay,*whatever.
still,bat kut teh was good cept' for the lack of spice.
loves it whenever he cooked.
okay,confession.cellulite is building up in joanne.like wth!!screamsss!!!
sun-oh-sun.pls,i need my swims.


i guess i was great for the fact that i studied only 1.5 hrs plus a lil' here & there during lessons yet still managed the paper well.
im suffering from lack of sleep.
but again,the smell of cny is so all over pls.
the mahjong addict biatches & bastards of my dear class.
so much i love.

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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

( @ 10:08 PM )

once flooded again.
but im better.

thank you for the want to hang on.
thank you for the deep appreciation & for treasuring(yet i never realized)
thank you for initiating to talk this time round.
thank you for holding on tightly to me & giving me those long-lost comfort.

i need no empty promises.
but im willing to work out those uncertainty ahead with you.
cos i realize i still love you.

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Friday, January 06, 2006

( @ 11:58 PM )

i love it when we entered gems class & actually left almost immediately.
yes dumb it may sound.
but woman,you know i know.
*screams in happiness.
=)
having no gems & having starbucks with cheesecake.
the talks,the rants,the past & the tears.
that's another rainy afternoon warmly spent with my lovely.
you are the lovely biatch.

yea,it's really true when people say that a once-&-for-all tough cry brings you back to reality & where you initially started out.thank you for letting me have the experience last night.
the hard weep i had gave me the strength to let go all.
though still not,at any moment,im ready.
perhaps im not prepared to let you hurt me again.
for that,i guess the self-protective wall formed.

you had guilt deep enough to actually volunteer to fetch me after lessons for dinner.
i wanted to leave both of us alone.but,yea,i relented like i always do.
you threw me back when you came forward to give me that real warm hug.
that warmness & touch which i haven't felt for long.
but i knew i wasnt ready to receive that long-lost warmth.
you apologized for the hurt & the tears you caused.
apology you may have given & which i may have accepted.
you wanna no break-ups yet.it's fine,actually not that fine.
cos' i dont know whether to trust in this again & give you my all.
fark,frankly,im afraid to cry again like last night.
we talked like we used to after dinner.
about all the shit nots we used to talk over.
im thankful.
but i ponder if it's your lil' effort to try in our r/s.
like i told you,i've tried all i could.
i wished you could have just left the both of us alone & not pretending that nothing took place 24hrs' ago.cos something did.
but the fact that you gave in,really throw me into confusion & dilemma again.
but whatever not,i know im' definitly yet tougher.

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( @ 6:39 AM )

tears brought me to sleep.
drained.
just let her go away.
nuff' said & cried.

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Thursday, January 05, 2006

( @ 2:39 AM )

done.
freed for the moment.
with tiny eyes getting weeny.
right.

totalled up 10hrs with my eyes on the comp screen.
how thankful.

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( @ 12:40 AM )

dinner was sumptous =)
chiili crab with the ma tou,mai pian prawns(they were BIG pls),curry fishhead,fried tofu with the cold sauce,kai lan veg,pork ribs!!
yums!the thought of it is sending me drooling again.

it's been real long since the 7 of us sat down for meal together.really.
i used to detest the number 7 cos im always the only single one out.1 single lil' girl with 3 lovey-dovey couples.but now how much i wish the 7 will still be as they were,i know deep inside that it'd never be the same.

not really in good mood i admit.
perhaps the freaking 5hrs plus the current second half and still counting hour on the darn computer screen is sending my adrenalines running haywire.
Ideas ppt,Jap proj,Gems report and the Itab frontpage.fark it.
the very immature & impulsive side of me wants to shut down the comp & head to bed.But of course,the clear-headed side of me knows that i cant be that irresponsible.This serves me right for not completing or even getting headstart with these projs during my e-learning & 1-week term break.

and fark to us.i rantted.but still,im tired with all the thoughts.
with the hour hand striking pass the digit "12" forty minutes ago,it's our 8th.but still,i dont know what you want & fark it,at least the proj is getting my mind away.
you know when a person just reaches the limit,everything get hit back to where they belong.
okay,i guess im really haywired.

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Monday, January 02, 2006

( @ 11:58 PM )

yvonne just asked me to remember that my first meal of 2006 was chicken rice eaten with my parents.right.
and the last place i went with my boy was the narnia movie at great world city.
happy my dear girl!?it's stated in black & white now.and i wont forget.there's always a reference.*laughs.

anyway,had my hair finally redyed,highlighted & treated today.like so finally.good.that equate to a new hairstyle for the new school term =)
receiving the last term of my year 1 with great arms now.i know im so gonna push myself real hard for the final papers.*winks.
and so i await to retreat from singapore during the 6-weeks holiday.
my paradise.

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Sunday, January 01, 2006

( @ 3:56 PM )

as i flipped open the 2006 Fossil Singapore's calendar,
i sat down & thought "darn.i thought i just flipped the 05' calender a moment ago?i thought i was still working at Guess Kids & awaiting the release of O'levels result?i thought i got my fab grades & was awaiting for the application into poly?i thought i just started the freshmen orientation in SP?"

yes indeed,the year as always flew by again.
with the earth already orbited 359 days & is now orbiting past half the 1st day of the new year,i guess it's time once again to sit down & reflect upon all other shits & yet,to think of my so-called goals of the new year.

05' been a breeze with the known shits,the ups & downs.ey,life's never smooth =)
with me entering upon tertiary life & coming to know the fab 07' mates.they've been crazy & of cos,i'd just love those biatches & bastards.*oh evil.haha!

Having yet coming together with him,it was all so sweet & of cos' the taste of honey still lingers in me,but yea,though things havent been like as before for us recently,im thankful for all nots he'd done during the past 7plus months.Coming 8months in 4days' time,i seriously still have no conclusion if we will make it or break it.No doubt,i'd still wish that this year will be a rewardsome one for him.the past months had really seen me through a person who's more mature at thoughts.thank you for every single sweets & shits.

To deal with the tramautising fact of the soon dicvorse,i feel sorry.But yea,that again has made me learn to better appreciate my loved ones.Life's short & you never know when the supposed happiness will come to any end.Remember it's never bout' eternal but having to gain the most value out of the r/s.She chose that ending & i will learn to respect her decision.It's tough but that part of the learning process that i have to get through.

Entering the boom new 2006,of cos there's so much more that i'd want to accomplish.It;s not whether i get to archieve them at the end of the year but it's the going-through process that i will take with me through all my journey of life.
Getting to start the year with the shouts & tears were definitly a thumbs down,but having to gain more indepth appreciation of each other is a thumbs up.
I so swear that joanne's gonna be tough for whatever nots.
=) never easily defeated for all my goals i aspire.
may all be blessed with more happiness & love.
*world peace?dream on.haha!

like what he text-ed me "if it didnt bring you joy,just leave it behind.lets ring in the new year with good things in mind.let go every bad memory that brought heartache & pain.And lets urn a new leaf with the smell of new rain.Lets forget past mistakes making amends for this year."

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( @ 5:43 AM )

HAPPY 2006 TO ALL!!!!! =)
lovely!
and it's the first 5.34am of the brand new year.right.
haha!

boohoo.
it wasnt a splendid nor that fab countdown i had.
i had none i think?
slogged at work since morning 1130 till 5,and it continued all the way from 630 to 2am pls.
goddness.
how much i wish not to curse at people on the brand new year,i still wish i could kill those drunken shits at the restaurant.my.what do you think of a elegant tall pretty lady in a long brown gown which reveals just that sufficient,weeping her eyes off on the ground?!it just wipes off her image pls.but yea,the truth comes all clean when a person gets drunk.

had champagns & cheerios we had at the bar.
and back to work it was with all the clearing.

headed to lau pat sat to find dearest foo.
that guy drank pretty much before that & he was shag from all the alcohol contents.
poor guy.hah!i was still thinking of getting him to booze.oh yea,back to the point,aint no boozing pls.how right.*laughs.

he came to pick me & ey,our conversation didnt end till 5am.
first,i thank you for the sweetest effort that you could ever take to video record the fireworks for me knowing how much i wish i could see them.
second,i thank you for allowing me to shout all that shits off my mouth yet not leaving me behind with the weeps.
third,i thank you for again letting me know you deeper
and lastly,i thank you for aprreciating.

yet,im sorry for whatever been going wrong between the both of us.
and still,i somehow still hope things will get back to the path again.
be it or not,whether we make it or break it,i still wish that 2006 will be a BETTER one for you,for me & for us =)
for all your goals & my dreams...

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